Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Not So Quiet Woman

On Friday, Brady took me on a date to The Quiet Woman in Corona Del Mar. This is where we had our first date, its a quaint, English pub-like restaurant. The food is good, mainly steaks and seafood, but the best part is the salad. When you order salad with your meal, they bring you a bowl with salad and your dressing of choice and this lazy susan thing full of toppings. So you can build your own salad at your table and pile on the toppings.

The Quiet Woman is really good for people watching, the restaurant is small and the tables are pretty close together, its quite intimate. Since its in Corona Del Mar, every woman in the place looks like a potential cast member of the Real Housewives of Orange County. There were a few groups of these such ladies, Brady and I started commenting on how there were so many single ladies in the restaurant. Brady jokingly said, "must be nice to be so free." To which I replied, "oh these women aren't free, I guarantee that the majority of these single ladies are out looking for a man." This got me thinking about how a woman can have a great career, be successful, but still feel the pressure to find a man. I think the theory of the Cinderella Complex has a lot of merit, even though a woman may be successful and independent, she will still desire a man to take care of her.

I consider myself independent, financially and mentally. If I had to, I could survive without my husband. But even with this independence, there are certain things that I want, and expect, my husband to take care of. For example, I always want him to drive, I want him to deal with travel arrangements, I want him to get our table at a restaurant, to deal with our household finances, and to, of course, kill bugs. My mother always taught me to never depend on a man, to be educated, and to be able to support myself. But, I do consider myself old-fashioned. I don't mind the gender roles Brady and I have settled into. I cook and clean, he does the yard work and manages the finances. It works for us.

I think the pressure to find a man comes from multiple places. Obviously society pressures women to be married. When I was in my second year of law school, I was a law clerk; one of the male partners was shocked and seemed almost offended when I informed him I was not married. I remember being amazed at his response, I was only 25 and only half way through law school, why would I be married? So, I definitely think that there is societal pressure to get married. But I also think women feel the need to look for a man because they feel the need for companionship. And a woman doesn't have to be looking for a man, she could be looking for a woman. What I really mean is that women are looking for a partner. Someone to confide in, a person who will take care of them when they need it, someone to be with them when things are great and when things are tough.

I don't know what the ladies at The Quiet Woman were actually looking for; maybe a partner, maybe someone to take care of them, maybe a hook up. Or maybe they were just having a girls' night out. All I know is that I am glad I got married when I felt it was right and not when some stuffy partner though I should be, and that I have found such a wonderful partner in my husband.

1 comment:

  1. Boy, your posting really touched me. I am so happy for you Courtney that you have found success in your career and have balanced that with success in your personal life. While I cannot complain (too much) about my professional life, there is a huge gap in my life where a husband and children were supposed to be. Although I will forever be disappointed that I have not found that in my life, I feel that I have been able to build and nurture close relationships with my extended family. There are many ways to find companionship, but I totally agree with you about looking for a partner. I have people I can rely on, but not really anyone to share my life with. If you are blessed to have a partner who values your dreams as much as you value theirs, there is no greater blessing.