Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Today the Beast discovered his hands and started sucking on them. I have no idea if this is some sort of developmental milestone, but it was the first time I have seen him do it and it was pretty cute.

I know that a common complaint of working mothers is that they will miss seeing their child's first milestonses such as rolling over, crawling, walking, etc. Some tell their daycare provider to not tell them when their child experiences a first so that when they see it, they think it is a true first. I was really worried about missing the Beast's firsts because I would be at work. But I realized that I could just as easily miss a milestone because I was in the shower or at the grocery store. I certainly cannot sit by son 24-7, staring at him and waiting for him to do something. That would be weird and creepy. I also will not tell his daycare providers to not tell me when he hits a milestone. I want to know when he does it and it will still be special when I see it for the first time. I work in special education and a lot of the evaluations concerning little ones centers on when they hit certain developmental milestones. So I don't give a damn who sees it first as long as he meets them!

Maybe I will miss the first time he sits up or crawls because I'll be at work, but I will take solace in the fact that I will definitely witness his first trip to Hawaii (Summer 2011 baby!) and I will be there when he graduates college without student loans. Every situation has their pros and cons, especially being a working parent. Even though I may be sad about missing the Beast's firsts, I am going to focus on the opportunites I can provide him and the positive aspects of being a working parent.

Fulfilling a Fantasy

In spite of all my anxiety regarding going back to work, I'm not actually working yet. My new hire paperwork is all caught up in the maze of human resources which has bought me a few more days hanging out with the Beast. And I'm not going to complain about that.

Today I decided to fulfill one of my stay at home mom fantasies...pushing my baby around in the stroller at South Coast Plaza (the mall to end all malls). I used to work across the street from South Coast and while at lunch I would see an army of stay at home moms with their babies. I daydreamed of pushing around my stroller, wearing my juicy couture sweatsuit, and spending my husband's money on lavish presents for myself and the baby all while laughing at the poor saps in suits. Remember this is a fantasy.

So I got all dressed and put the Beast in a cute outfit. I think he was not too thrilled about the puppy on his overalls.

I went to the mall and pushed my stroller around. The trip didn't exactly live up to my fantasy. My juicy couture sweatsuit is no where near fitting over my ass and I had to wear a maternity dress. Even though I have the snap-n-go stroller (so much smaller than the travel system), I was still ramming into every freaking clothing display that I walked by. That was annoying. Also there was no spending of my husband's money on lavish presents. I spent my own money and I could barely find anything to buy because I'm still all lumpy from being pregnant.

And I had to take a million freaking elevators. I am not sure why I didn't think this part out. Of course I would have to take the elevator, I had a stroller. But I hate, hate, hate elevators. They give me the willies and just two nights ago I had a nightmare that I was stuck in one. I have been stuck in an elevator twice. Once was when I was a kid, with my family. The doors started to open before we reached the floor and the whole thing jammed. My mom panicked and started screaming "save the air for the children!" The second time was in high school with about fifteen people jammed in the elevator. Scary stuff.

Even though the shopping trip was less than perfect, I managed to find a dress for the Beast's baptism (I am choosing to ignore the size on the tag) and I got to have lunch with a good friend.

And the Beast slept the entire time. Even with me ramming into all the clothing racks.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Almost Ready

I am ready to go back to work. Let me clarify that, I will never be ready to leave my son. I'll be that crazy middle-aged woman dropping my son off at college, crying hysterically, and making sure he has enough sweaters. But in terms of preparation, I am so ready. My pump is all packed in its discreet tote that says "I'm just a black tote bag, I'm not a machine that is going to milk someone like a cow, don't mind me." I have purchased a new dress for my first day and a sassy new work bag (both from Target, I'll be hitting Nordy's after those paychecks start rolling in again). I have enough frozen casserole to feed me and Brady for a week and enough frozen breastmilk to keep the Beast pacified for a while. The Beast's cubby at daycare is stocked with six bibs, five extra outfits, two sleep sacks, two blankets, and five crib sheets.

The only thing I don't have is a good picture of my little family for my office. I have the obligatory wedding photo framed for my office. This is my absolute favorite photo of us from the wedding. I pretty much hated all the posed photos. We looked so fake in the posed ones. Candid shots just capture the mood so much better.

This is the picture I have framed for my office. It is cute. I like that we match (I'm very big on coordination). And yes we coordinated on purpose, we were going to a birthday party and the guests were supposed to dress in black and white. I went to three stores looking for a black and white outfit for the Beast. I was determined to have him participate in his first theme party.

But this picture isn't that great. My husband's head is cut off and the Beast looks all yellow and jaundicey. He did have jaundice when we came home from the hospital. It was scary and not something I really want to think about often.

This past weekend, we all went to my grandparents' house for dinner. I was determined to get a good family photo for my office. I curled my hair, put a cute outfit on the Beast. I was all set.

Then I downloaded the photo onto my computer and it was a total fail. I'm all shiny and my forehead is all bumpy from getting my eyebrows waxed. The photo is all grainy and we have the devil red eye thing going on. Which I tried to fix with my primitive editing skills. While I was able to reduce the red eye, the editing results in a dull, lifeless, creepy, zombie eye look.

I am pretty much ready to go back to work. I am still going to work on getting the family picture perfect. I would also like the bullies to be included. That should be interesting.

Friday, August 27, 2010

First Day of School

Yesterday was the Beast's first official day in daycare. By the way, we are referring to daycare as "school," it just sounds better. He had a trial run at school before I actually return to work next week. I think this trial run was more for me than him. He's a pretty mellow guy and does well in any environment. I, on the other hand, am a high strung mess who does not do well with change.

I dropped him off around 9am with a plan to pick him up at noon. He was asleep when I dropped him off so I put him in his little crib. I bought him a new seahorse to take to school with him but the school does not allow any loose items in the crib for safety reasons. So I strapped the seahorse, by his tail, to the side of the crib with a pacifer lanyard. Poor seahorse. I dropped off his bottles (I brought 10 oz all together for three hours, just a little much). And said goodbye.

Then I got in my car and started wailing. This was the first time I had left the Beast with anyone other than my husband. He looked so little in his crib. I was afraid that he would wake up and be scared and not know where I am. So I'm driving in my car totally sobbing. Oh and I hadn't showered yet or put on makeup or brushed my hair and I was wearing my holey yoga pants. So I'm driving down the road looking like a deranged homeless person.

Even though I was sad I was determined to be productive and go to the grocery store. But first I needed to pull it together. So I blasted "You Can't Stop the Beat" from the musical, Hairspray. This is my go-song to cheer me up or just wake me up. So now I look like a sobbing, deranged, homeless person who is screeching out Broadway musicals.

I managed to calm down at the grocery store and was even able to enjoy my carmel frappuchino. Since I was so productive with going to the grocery store, I decided to get a pedicure. You know pedicures just are not what they used to be. They are not actually that relaxing. I had to fend off the lady's barrage of questions regarding whether I want a flower (no, I'm not 12), extra massage, or the super expensive callous remover that melts skin away (that can't be good). After getting a somewhat crappy pedicure, I got my eyebrows waxed. As if it wasn't enough to ruin my pedicure, the lady keeps asking me if I want my lip waxed. I tell her no. I have never had my lip waxed because I don't need to have it waxed. Sure, I have a stray hair here and there but (1) it is blonde hair, and (2) the wax totally irritates my skin and I so did not need a mustache of broken out, red skin. She keeps telling me that I need to have it waxed. I finally firmly said "no thank you," and she shut up. By that point I was like hurry the hell up, I need to get my baby!!!

When I picked up the Beast, he was chilling in a boppy just watching the world around him. He looked pretty content. He drank his bottle like a good boy and his teacher said he didn't cry at all. The school even made a little photo collage for me:

The top right picture looks funny because it is all stretched out. I am feeling pretty good about the school thing. I'm glad he was able to nap and enjoy his bottle. Of course when I got him home, he was a fussy butt for the rest of the day. He fought his naps with a vengeance and didn't go to bed until 9 pm (but he slept until 5:30 am, yay!!!). I'm happy with his school but it is definitely going to take some time to get into a routine.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Baby Bunny

When you are a new mom who is on the verge of returning to work and feeling very sad about putting your little baby in daycare, do not, DO NOT read The Runaway Bunny to said baby.

The Runaway Bunny is about a little baby bunny who tries to run away from home and his mommy bunny's never-ending love and devotion to him. It is a very touching story and a classic. The whole time I was reading it, the Beast was cooing and making little sounds while I was crying and telling him that he was my little baby bunny and that I loved him and would always love him forever and ever. I am a tad emotional right now. The Beast just cooed and looked at me like I'm crazy...he's very smart because I am crazy.

So I made a deal with the Beast. He goes to daycare and when he turns sixteen I will buy him a brand new car. Not the fanciest car they make, but still a nice, cool car. And he will never have to work while school is in session (provided his GPA is acceptable). He'll only have to work during the summers. I can't have him being a total spoiled brat. So that is the trade-off. The Beast accepted the deal. He won't remember being in daycare this young but I'm pretty damn sure he's going to remember that car.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Two Month Check-Up

The Beast had his two month check-up today. I can't believe he's this old already! He weighed 12 pounds, 5 ounces (75th percentile) and was 24 1/2 inches long (97th percentile). I have a big boy on my hands!

I certainly did not like seeing him get his shots. And I don't think it is fair that I had to hold down his little legs while he got them. I pay a lot of money for insurance, there should be someone else to hold down his legs in torture.

But he did get some pretty cool snoopy bandaids.

Poor thing, he has his mother's thighs. The chubby thigh look is much cuter on a baby than a 30 year old woman.

I brought Stephanie for moral support since Captain America had to work. The doctor told me that right after the Beast got his shots I should breastfeed him to comfort him. Well the Beast was screaming bloody murder after his shots, there was no time for the hooter hider, so Stephanie got an eye full of some boob. She was a good sport about it and politely turned away and stared at the wall.

Even though I spent an hour at Target yesterday and spent a small fortune, I didn't have any baby tylenol. Super mom fail. I stopped at CVS on the way home. I couldn't find the baby tylenol so I asked the pharmacy clerk where I could find baby tylenol. She looked at me like I was speaking gibberish and said, "what?" "Baby tylenol, where is it?" She replies, "oh you mean infant tylenol?" Um yeah, last time I checked baby and infant where interchangeable. If I say baby tylenol I mean tylenol for babies aka infants. I don't mean little, tiny pills of tylenol that are "babies."

I was very worried that the Beast would not handle the shots well. He assured me that he was fine and even gave me a fist bump to show that he was all good.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Sleeping On The Job

What the hell is this?

Are you napping? Do you not realize that it is mommy's last week of maternity leave? Don't you want to spend every possible second with me? Do you not realize that the world is going to end next week when I go back to work?

Ok fine, I guess the world isn't going to end next week and taking a little nap isn't a terrible idea. I seem to be the only one freaking out about my return to work next week. I love how the pacifier is wedged under his chubby cheek. I wasn't about to move it because I just couldn't wake that adorable little sleeping face.

My goal this week is not to stress out about my return to work and to not let that stress ruin my week with the Beast. I also need to stop buying stuff in preparation for his entry into daycare. I do not need a new outfit for him for every day of the week. He does not need a different little jacket for each new outfit. I do not need the expensive bottle carrier to transport his bottles from my house to his daycare which is about ten minutes away. He does not need a sleep sack in every color possible. I do not need to have enough diapers in my house to last until his first birthday. I must remember that I am simply going back to work and I am not moving away to a remote island. I must, must stay away from Target. Whew, with all this running through my head, a little nap is starting to sound pretty darn good.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


This past weekend we loaded up the bullies and the baby and headed down to San Diego for a little mini vacay. It was our first night away from home with the Beast and I was a little bit nervous about not having everything I needed so I went crazy with the overpacking. I think I brought about 8 different outfits, six bibs, five burp clothes, enough diapers for a week, and an entire box of wipes. Plus the pack n play and stroller. Plus the bullies' beds, toys, food, and dishes. Plus my clothes, make-up, etc.

Needless to say our car was pretty darn full. Sorry Frankie, there wasn't much room for the bullies.

The bullies were dropped off at my husband's aunt and uncle's house. They have a huge, gorgeous backyard with lots of flowers and trees. Perfect for exploring. And they let the bullies sleep on their bed. It is definitely a vacation hot spot for the bullies.

We continued down south to the Mission Bay Hilton. The hotel is right on the beach with tree lined grounds, good restaurants, and a great pool.

I'm glad we brought the pack n play. It allowed me to set up a baby station where the Beast could sleep and get his diaper changed and such. This was great because I was really nervous about taking him to a hotel. See, I'm a total germ freak and hotels are just the worst for germs. I was totally stressed about putting him on the bed in case he touched the comforter. We've all seen those dateline specials about how gross those comforters are. And then I freaked out that if he touched the sheets the detergent the hotel used would irritate his sensitive skin. I wash everything in my house with perfume/dye free detergent and double rinse it. He couldn't possibly withstand anything less, right?

And of course, he was just fine on the sheets. He played in the big, comfortable bed and did not have any speck of a rash. Just another example of me freaking out for no reason at all.

I am so weird sometimes, I don't make any sense. I was totally freaked out about the sheets but thought it was just fine to take him in the pool with chlorine and a million other germy little kids. Again, he was just fine with the pool water (I rinsed him thoroughly when we were done).

I was very excited for his first time in the pool. The Beast? Not so much. He didn't react at all when we put him in the water. I suppose that is better than him screaming bloody murder when his little feet touched the water but I was hoping for a little smile at least.

Our mini vacay was wonderful. The weather was great, we got to watch the Sea World fireworks on the beach, and the husband and I finally got to spend some time together. It wasn't the most relaxing vacation ever, the Beast spent a fair amount of the night awake. But it was still a great vacation.

The only problem with the vacation was our eating. We have a tendency to go for an eating free-for-all while on vacation. Definitely not weight watchers friendly. I ate bacon twice while we were there and I don't even really like bacon!

We had coupons for a free continental breakfast at the hotel. When we got to the restaurant the waitress told us that we could use the coupon as a credit for anything on the menu, including the buffet. With the coupon it was only $8, what a deal! We couldn't pass that up.

We went from a plan of eating fruit and yogurt to this:

At least Captain America threw in some yogurt. I can't say the same for myself. There was also the dinner at the Mexican restaurant in Old Town, french fries with lunch, the shortbread I randomly ate at four in the morning when I got up to nurse the Beast (the package said "pure butter," not a good sign), wine, and beer. And all the bacon I inexplicably consumed. Sigh, tomorrow's weigh-in is gonna be ugly.

No vacation is complete without a trip to the gift store. Everytime we are on vacation we buy a Christmas ornament representative of our vacation. I found this one at the hotel gift store. How hilarious is this little starfish!? It even says San Diego. He is definitely going front and center on our tree this year.

We survived our first vacation with the Beast and had a great time. Tomorrow it's back to work for Captain America. I'll be enjoying my last week of maternity leave with the Beast. My plan is to hold him and snuggle him all day and never let him go. Ever. Not for a second. I may be a tad dramatic about my return to work.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Greatest Thing Ever.

This is the greatest thing ever!

What? A hot guy in a tight tank top? Nope, it's spanx for men!

I freaking love it. I absolutely freaking love it. Now men can be completely uncomfortable and worry about their spanx showing just like us ladies....all in the name of trying to look better than we actually look. Welcome to the club boys. Now they just need male panty hose....

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Froggy Woggy

The Beast is becoming more interested in toys. He will look at them and follow them with his eyes if you move them side to side. I realize he looks pretty skeptical of this frog here but I swear he was enjoying me shaking a frog in his face saying "look at the froggy woggy, look that cutesy wutesy froggy woggy!" Sigh, I've become one of those crazy, baby-talking moms.

The Beast may not love his toys yet but let me tell you who does...Mickey. Once I started waving that little frog around she absolutely lost it.

First she popped up on the bed to see what was happening.

Then she went and got her own toy. I'm assuming she was going to share with the Beast or maybe exhange her toy for the frog.

She kept trying to get up on the bed. My pictures of her are blurry because she was seriously moving a mile a minute.

Mickey really wanted to play with the Beast. Well maybe not the Beast but definitely his toys.

After a few minutes of frenzied activity she finally hopped up on the bed. We used to allow the bullies on the furniture and our bed but have stopped doing so since the arrival of the baby. See, the bullies are very low to the ground and can't see where they are jumping. So they fling themselves with reckless abandon onto their desired piece of furniture. It really isn't good for them to be jumping like this and I definitely cannot have them potentially landing on the baby. So they have been banned from jumping on furniture. I wrestled the very confused Mickey off the bed and decided we had enough of playing with toys.

Frank just sat there and watched the whole thing. He just doesn't understand why that crazy bitch gets so worked up about toys.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Out and About

Today the Beast and I spent the day with Auntie Steph. Can you see what his shirt says? It says "[Olive] my aunt." How cute is that? Just one of the many adorable presents from his

We went to breakfast and then decided to hit Babies r Us and Target. I know terribly exciting but we were kind of limited in our options since we had a six week Beast in tow. Usually when Steph and I venture out into the world together we have to pause for a moment and remind ourselves to try to not look like complete dorks or be lame. I don't know why but whenever we are together we end up doing something very stupid. Our stupidity makes us die with laughter while the rest of the world just looks at us in pity.

When we got to Babies r Us I decided to wear the Beast to the store rather than wrestle with my massive stroller. Hmmm, so far the mission to not look like a dork is not going very well.

When I got to the cashier to pay for my stuff she asked for my rewards card. I reached for my keys because that is where the card is and couldn't find them. I started wildly tearing apart the baby bag, patting down all my pockets and freaking out. I thought Steph must have the keys, she didn't. And then I realized, OMG I left the car running in the parking lot! Steph made a mad dash out of the store to check while I finished paying. It turned out that I had managed to turn the car off and the keys were stuck in some crevice of the back seat. I definitely was not doing too well on the mission to not look like a dork or be lame.

We actually made it through Target unscathed. When we got home, the Beast needed to eat. I thought it was the perfect time to practice with my hooter hider. I'm trying to work up the nerve to be able to nurse in public so that I don't always have to lug around a bunch of bottles. My first step was to buy the hooter hider but I needed to make sure I could manage it. I figured it would be better for my sister to see accidental boob than say an entire restaurant.

I got the Beast all situated and threw on the hooter hider. It went pretty well until he started grabbing the hooter hider and thrashing it about with his hot little hand. I might have to rethink this nursing in public thing. I absolutely cannot have my son flashing my boobs for the world to see.

After the hooter hider trial run Steph went off to get a pedicure and I went to the doctor for my 6 week post partum check up. Hmmm, I got the short end of the stick on that one. My doctor said I looked great and gave me the all clear for exercise. That means no more excuses, I have to actually start exercising now. I'm determined to get rid of this Kate Gosselin belly if it kills me. Tomorrow I might actually try my new tae bo dvd. Maybe. I might be busy all day fostering my son's development. Or laying in bed with him watching 90210.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Big Move

The Beast has been sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed. The same bassinet that me, my siblings, my cousins, my mom, my aunt, and my uncles used. I would swaddle him nice and snug and he would rest peacefully.

But the Beast is a hideously noisy sleeper, grunting constantly. And he recently decided that he did not like the swaddle and wants to sleep with his arms completely stretched out. He was hitting the sides of the bassient with his hands and waking himself up. He wasn't sleeping well and we definietly were not with all his grunting.

So at 6 weeks old, we kicked him out of our room and into his crib. I was sad to see him go. He seemed too little to sleep in his crib alone. What if he woke up and was scared that he was all alone? What if he cried and I didn't hear him? But after seeing him whack his hand against the bassinet wall, I took the plunge and put him in his crib.

And he slept great. He slept for his longest stretch yet. The husband and I got to lay in bed and watch tv and talk like we used to. And we even got to sleep. I was still able to hear him when he needed me with the help of the baby monitor and I only got up to make sure he was breathing about ten times.

Plus he has his seahorse, so he isn't really alone. The thing lights up and plays soothing music. It is supposed to get your baby to sleep in 5 minutes, the time it takes to run through its pre-programmed lullabies. It has yet to work but it is pretty cute. Just another piece of useless baby merchandise.

And he has Frank who is always keeping watch.

As for the bassinet? I'm using it to hold my clean laundry until I get a chance to fold it.

Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear

I was in a sorority in college so I am fully aware that women can be judgmental. Back then it was "oh you are going out on a Tuesday night, again?" "What do you mean you can't make rush activities because you have to work?" And "I can't believe she's wearing that hot pink sequined tube top out tonight?" Ok, I deserved to be judged about the hot pink sequined tube top, that was awful.

Then came law school where everyone was judgy (and competitive). "Your outline for property is only 15 pages? Mine is 20." "You finished that exam early? I was writing the entire time." And "you're missing wills and trusts again?" Well, everyone skipped out on wills and trusts, it was more awful than the hot pink sequined tube top.

But man oh man, you just do not know judgmental until you become a mom and have to defend your parenting decisions to other mothers. I was at a friend's baby shower this weekend and brought the Beast with me. The grandma-to-be had all her friends there and they all had lots of questions about the Beast. Questions like how old is he, is he sleeping through the night, is he a good baby, etc. But the most poignant question was, "so are you going back to work?" Said with an underlying tone that the right answer is no. So of course I answer that I am going back to work and they all wanted to know when. I told them that I was going back in two weeks. Which led to the next question, "who is going to watch the baby?" I answered that he is going to a very nice daycare by my house. That is when the line of questioning ends with a very disapproving, "ooooh, I see."

The grandma-to-be tried to come to my rescue and announced to her friends that I am an attorney but that just made their eyes grow wider and me stammer, "well, I, um, don't work traditional hours, um, like a corporate attorney (I work in public law), um, so, um, yeah, it should work out."

Now I am not going to see these women again so I do not know why (1) they care about my work schedule/daycare arrangements, and (2) why I care about them caring about my work schedule/daycare arrangements. It is just that initial disapproving "ooooh, I see" coupled with the disapproving look that really gets to me. I shouldn't feel the need to defend or explain my choice to anyone, especially people I'm not going to see again. I do not need to prove to anyone, other than my son, that I am a good mom.

I know this incident (which, in hindsight, wasn't that bad) is going to be one of many where someone makes me feel guilty or upset about being a working mom. But I am going to try my hardest to own my status as a working mom and come up with some kind of good response to such questions so that I don't have to stammer some lame justification. I'll have to work on my response because all I have so far is, "go f**k yourself" and that is considered rude in most circles.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Why I am excited to go back to work...

....so I don't have to hear my husband say, "but you were home all day."

Cause I have so much free time while caring for a newborn. Please disregard the two hours devoted to Beverly Hills 90210 reruns daily.

My Introduction to Working Motherhood

I have a new job. I'm not going to go into details about it on the internets but all you need to know is that I have a new job and I had to go into the office today to complete all my new hire paperwork, benefits, and get fingerprinted.

Here is where things go wrong. I had to take the Beast with me to do all this paperwork. I thought it was no big deal, I take him on errands and out to lunch/dinner all the time. He's a great baby and usually sleeps through everything. It will be easy. I'll be in and out of there, no problem.

So I drive to the office. I am dressed professionally and actually wearing work heels. The Beast looks adorable. Everything is great. I got to the office about 20 minutes early. I decided to hang out with the Beast in the back of the car for a bit. I noticed his diaper needed to be changed, so I changed it on the back seat of my car. Not super easy, but not impossible. Everything is still good. I still had some time, so I gave him a bit of the bottle I brought for him. Everything still good. Then I hear a small explosion emit from my son. Crap, he needs his diaper changed again. I change it. This time he gets poo on his socks (don't ask me how). No worries, I have extra socks. Everything still ok.

I go into the office and check in with the receptionist who informs me that I'm at the wrong building and I need to go down the street. Ok, fine. I wheel the Beast back to the car, wrestle my massive stroller back into the car and head to the other building. I'm starting to sweat in my nice work dress but other than that everything is fine.

I check in with the receptionist at the correct building and everyone coming into the office oohs and aahs over my cute baby. He smiles and coos, totally adorable. I relax a bit and wait for my appointment with HR. I fill out all my paperwork and turn it in. Now I'm just waiting for the benefits lady. I wait and wait. I hear another explosion from the Beast. Crap he needs his diaper changed again. But where do I do it? I'm trying to be nonchalant about being at my new office with my freaking baby. Changing a diaper is not going to help that situation. It seems rude to change his diaper on the conference table, so I change it in the stroller. Not easy, but manageable.

I'm taken into another room for fingerprinting. The Beast starts crying while I'm getting fingerprinted which is taking forever because each of my fingerprints keep getting rejected by the stupid machine. The lady says, "um I think I hear your son." Oh right, I should tend to my baby that I totally, inappropriately brought to my new job. I run into the other room, shove the pacificer in his mouth and finish the fingerprinting.

I return to my original room. A few more people come into the room to ooh and aah over my son. It's very nice of them to say how cute he is, but I can see he's starting to freak out about all the strange faces making strange noises at him. I mean, he's only 6 weeks old. It was a bit much. So I give him his pacificer again, but he continues to fuss. The Beast is no fool. He knows that no matter how hard he sucks on that binky, nothing is coming out. So I give him the rest of the bottle. The Beast is pacified for now.

The benefits lady finally comes in. She asks me a million questions about the baby who is starting to freak out again. I'm thinking, ok give me the insurance packet and let me get the hell out of here. Then she asks me if I'm breastfeeding. What? Why does she care how I feed my son? Is this going to go in my employee file? Is she going to tell the insurance company? I say yes, because I am, and thankfully this is the right answer with her. She commends me on my choice (like that matters) all while the Beast is starting to go into full freak out mode. She looks at him and says, "I think he wants to nurse."

Wait, did she just tell me what my son wants? Look lady, do not tell me what my son wants. You have no idea what he wants. You don't know him or me. And you clearly missed him guzzling a huge bottle minutes earlier. What he wants is for you to hurry the hell up so we can leave and he can take a nap. So she leaves the room and I hear another explosion. So I change the Beast's diaper yet again. The benefits lady comes back and finally says I can leave. Thank the Good Lord!

I'm so frazzled by the whole experience I drive through the nearest Jack in the Box and desperately ask "do you have cookies?" They don't. They have chocolate cake and cheesecake and something else but no freaking cookies. I decide the chocolate cake isn't worth it and just get a diet coke which is delicious. I got home, nursed the Beast three times in three hours, cooked dinner, cleaned up the dinner I cooked, gave the Beast a bath, nursed again, and he finally fell asleep.

Lesson learned: babies and offices do not mix. The whole experience could have been much, much worse but it still had me unbelievably stressed out. Time for a little wine.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I'm Back Bitches

On Weight Watchers that is, and I apologize profusely for the harsh language but I am declaring war on the baby fat and it just might get ugly.

I lost just over 20 pounds on Weight Watchers before I got pregnant and now I'm back on it to lose the baby weight and get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My goal is to lose 25 pounds. It's not going to be easy, but if I did it before. I can do it again.

And I'm armed with some new tactics, like my new WW wine glass:

I measured out a 2 point serving so now I won't fill up the entire glass, call it 2 points when it is really 5.

And the bottom says, "Is it worth it?" Hopefully, this will keep me motivated and question whether I really want to waste 2 points on wine. The vast majority of the time I will, but at least I will think about it first.

So far I've been back on WW for one day and I managed to stay within my points. It definitely helps that I'm breastfeeding so I get a million points per day. Right now I am allowed 33 points per day, a far cry from the 20 points I was eating before I got pregnant. So I'm back on the wagon, back to being motivated, and ready to kick the baby weight's ass. The next part will be figuring out my exercise routine. For that I'm waiting till my six week post partum appointment with my doctor. But that will be an important part of this battle as well. I'm thinking kick boxing classes. Like real kickboxing with gloves and a bag. I secretly think I could have been a great kickboxer. I could have been a contender!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Visiting the Office

I have about three weeks left of maternity leave. I am very torn about returning to work but that is a story for another post.

While I am still on leave, I am trying to do all the stereotypical stay at home mom kinds of things. I have become obsessed with Beverly Hills 90210 reruns, I meet people for lunch, and I push my kid in a stroller around the mall. I am very aware that a stay at home mom does much more than these silly things, but I'm trying to enjoy the fun parts during my maternity leave.

This included bringing the baby to Captain America's office to show him off. I got all dressed up, curled my hair, put on my tinted moisturizer (my secret weapon against hangovers and sleep deprived skin), put the Beast in a cute outfit and took him around my husband's office like a proud mama. Then, we had lunch and I went back home while Captain America went back to work.

It was fun to visit the husband at work and it is something that I won't be able to do when I return to work.

And how disorganized is his desk? My desk never looks like this. This would drive me crazy. And this is why I take charge of the household chores. Because if I let him do it our house would look like his desk.

I Still Have A Lot To Learn

I'm a new mom. I've been on the job for about 5 weeks. I readily admit that I do not know everything about parenting and that sometimes I am just really clueless.

I'm am also a breastfeeding mom. This was initially very difficult for me and baby but after meeting with a lactation consultant, it has become quite easy. Although the lactation consultant failed to instruct me how to nurse in public. I have ordered a hooter hider but it hasn't come in the mail yet.

So my sister was visiting today and the Beast had to eat. I mean he had to eat right now. I thought about making him a bottle of formula but I was really too lazy to do that. I have not nursed in front of anyone besides my husband and I wasn't really ready to enter that territory. But I didn't want to tell my sister to leave and the Beast had to eat.

I knew women nursed in public with strategically placed blankets, so I went that route.

Obviously, I have a lot to learn about this whole nursing in public thing.