Monday, January 30, 2012

A Place

I've been in a place.

Not a really bad place. Not a dark and twisty place. But not a good place either. It has been more of a melancholy place. A gentle hum of sadness with occasional spurts of happiness.

I need more than an occasional spurt of happiness.

There's been a whole lot of "why does everyone have it easier than me?" And a whole lot of, "If only I didn't have this commute/had a bigger house/bought new clothes/got my freaking roots highlighted I would be happy."

There has been an onslaught of "I miss Leo" and working mama guilt.

I didn't weather the holidays well and the complicated mess of my family has taken its toll on me. Over Christmas break, I had an amazing vacation in Hawaii with Leo and the husband and came home to work piled up and my family being sick for practically the whole month of January.

I'm over this place. I'm just not sure how to get out of it.