This week I had lunch with a working mom friend of mine. We were commiserating over the working mom stress, guilt, and dire need of wine. She told me that at the grocery store, her 3 year old daughter asks, "does Mommy need wine?" and she justs hopes a social worker isn't standing nearby. While Leo's language skills are not there, I have no doubt that one day he will equate wine with Mommy. We joked that we are not alcoholics but sometimes we just need a glass of wine!
And then it hit me, it's not really about the wine, it's about the circumstances surrounding the glass of wine. I explained this to my friend, sometimes I don't even drink the wine I've poured. But if I'm having a glass of wine that means (1) I'm not at work and (2) I'm not actively parenting (ok sometimes I have a glass of wine in front of Leo but I usually take two sips and then I'm off chasing him). Having a glass of wine means I'm relaxing, no one is bugging me to fix anything, to settle a case, to train an employee, to get more goldfish or milk, to read Brown Bear, Brown Bear for the millionth time. The glass of wine means I am talking to my husband or reading a book or catching up on my DVR. Sometimes the glass of wine means I'm knitting and subsequently screwing up my knitting because I'm drinking a glass of wine. Basically, having a glass of wine means I've slowed down and taking some time for myself.
I feel like a lot of moms, myself included, are always saying "I need wine now!" But I think the wine is really code for "I need some fucking me-time people or I will cut something." And we all know that the illusive me-time is crucial to the survival of any mother's sanity. Of course, me-time is even better if you do have a glass of good wine to accompany it.
Courtney, you've hit the nail on the head here. I very often do this- pour a glass, drink 5 or 6 sips and pour it out at the end of the night. Because you're right. It's not about the wine, really. (I mean, sometimes it's about the wine.)It's about the break.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Ditto everything.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog via RambleRamble and HAD to comment on this. My husband has been sober for 10 years and does not understand me when I say I need a glass of wine. I shall have him read this in the hopes that it will help him understand.
ReplyDelete@ Mama Durso I think it is hard to realize it is not about the alcohol content of the beverage when we say "I need a glass of wine." I also enjoy drinking cranberry juice with 7 up but at the end of a long day saying, "I need my cranberry juice with 7 up" just doesn't have the same ring to it! Also, congrats to your husband on 10 years, that's awesome.
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