A Letter to My Son:
At 38 weeks pregnant, I am so excited to meet you. I have so many hopes and dreams for you, I can't wait to introduce you to this big, wonderful world. I already love you so very much.
Ok, I can't write that kind of letter. It is just too sappy and kind of makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth.
Here is what I actually want to tell my son:
Don't be an asshole. The world is full of them and doesn't need anymore. And you don't get off because you are a baby, babies can be assholes too. Just remember to be nice, it's important.
Eat your vegetables. This country is fat and getting fatter. Health is important. Disregard the fact that your father will only eat approximately three vegetables. They all taste good and are good for you (except for green bell peppers, those are disgusting, stay away from them).
You will do your homework, all of it. Again disregard your father who is one of those super annoying types that doesn't do any homework but still aces the test.
Do not be afraid to take risks. Risks can be your opportunity for greatness. Never be afraid of failure. It is far better to go for something and not get it than to never try at all.
Listen to your parents. I promise we will try really hard to admit when we are wrong. But for a long time we will be right about everything, especially your mother.
And, most importantly, always remember that your parents love you very much.
Ok, Baby, it's all on you now, come on out whenever you're ready cause we're ready for you!
Your Crazy Mom