It's Not All About Work

Lately, I've only been posting about being a working mom, but I don't work every day and I had quite the enjoyable weekend.

First it was gameday on Saturday. Yay? The Husband went to University of Michigan so of course Leo and I have to support him.

Even though we all know UC Santa Barbara is way better (it is at least more more). But they don't have a football team so I accept cheering for Michigan.

Yes, I'm aware that my husband's jersey is hideous. It is some retro thing for the Notre Dame game. He is very excited about it. Try not to tell him how ridiculous it looks.

On Sunday, the Husband went off to golf. I hung out with the little dude and took him to Joann's Fabrics for some craft supplies. Except Joann's opens at 10am on Sundays and when you get up at 6:30am that seems to take forever. So we went to Starbucks for a coffee date.

Leo is obsessed with these fruit pouch things. I figure it is ok since its fruit. But does it count as juice? I'm afraid of juice. Anyways, we still ended up being early to Joann's so we waited in the parking lot with all of the other crazy crafting ladies.

Then we headed off to our city's annual street fair. It's all about food, music, and beer. Leo had lemonade for the first time and a corn dog (part of one at least). He loved all of it. I did not love all of the stupidly drunk people stumbling every where. Also did not love seeing my ex-boyfriend (who got fat). Might rethink this event next year.

That was Sunday. On Monday I had a coffee date with a good friend and her oh-so-snuggly baby. I may have demanded unprotected you-know-what when I got home. She made an awesome pumpkin cake and I think when I host the next one I will make peanut butter chocolate chip crescent rolls. I forsee a healthy baking competition in future coffee dates. Then we had lunch with my grandparents and went on a family walk.

You are probably asking yourself, "So what did she get at Joann's that was so important?" That's a good question! I crafted all mother-trucking weekend. This is very strange as I never do any crafty things. When I rushed my sorority I couldn't even make my big sis her own gifts. My bff/pledge classmate had to do all my crafts.

First I made a fall-themed rag garland. Just strips of fabric tied onto twine. Super easy but it takes an eternity to cut out the strips and then tie everything. I may have consumed an entire bottle of wine while watching a Sex and the City marathon while completing this craft.

I also made two yarn wreaths. Also an easy craft but took forever because my cute little skein of yarn quickly became a giant cluster-fuck (sorry but no other way to describe it) and I had to untangle knots every five seconds.

I think it came out pretty cute though.

I also made chicken picatta, crockpot chili and cornbread (from a box), and a lasagna. I would now like a weekend to recover from my weekend.

One Year Anniversary

Tomorrow marks my one year anniversary of becoming a working mom. One year ago I stuffed myself into work clothes (ok fine, I'm still stuffing myself into work clothes) and dropped off my precious baby at daycare. I ran out of the daycare center crying and drove off to my brand new job. To say that the past year has been crazy is a gross understatement.

But this post is not about me (for once). This post is about Leo and daycare. I signed up Leo for daycare when I was about five months pregnant. I just wanted to get it over with. I researched all options and picked a daycare center that I loved.

Leo started at nine weeks old. It was heartbreaking for me. I don't think he noticed all that much.



His teachers quickly became his second greatest cheerleaders (besides me and the husband). They cheered him on as he learned to roll over, sit, crawl, and walk. They worked with me through starting solids, teething, and sickness. They were always there with advice and stories of their own experiences.

And boy was there sickness. Despite their best efforts, the daycare center is a germ factory. Leo has suffered through colds, two fevers, two stomach bugs, pink eye, and an alleged ear infection (I still think it was teething and the doctor was wrong). My world fell apart each time he was sick. It was never anything serious. He always recovered quickly. There was much drama over who would miss work, who could take him to the doctor. Looking back now, I laugh at myself for being so dramatic about it. I never thought I would find myself begging for solid poop so he could go back to daycare and I wouldn't have to miss a third day of work. The one plus side is that a sick baby is a snuggly baby.

When Leo was having a rough day, his teachers were always there with extra love, attention, and snuggles.



I laughed to myself when he brought home all his "art projects." I had no idea I would be hanging such things on my fridge so early but I did.




When I dropped him off, I watched a huge smile spread across his chubby cheeks as he saw his teachers. I swear one in particular can make him laugh in a way that I have never seen duplicated.

At a very early age I watched him engage in parallel play and when he hugged a little girl the other day I just about died.

Leo has been in fulltime daycare for a year. He is happy, healthy, and well adjusted. He is cautious about strangers but quick to warm up to friendly faces. Different environments do not faze him. He is curious and active. He can nap through noise and in broad daylight. I frequently vacuum his room while he is asleep and he doesn't even notice it. Dropping him off is still hard, picking him up is still amazing. I miss him like crazy during the day but I am comforted by the fact that he is in such caring and capable hands.

So to all my daycare mommas out there - I know it's hard and I know people will give you the sideeye and yes, your kid is going to get sick, a lot. But daycare can be such a great place, a source of support, and an environment where your child can grow into an amazing little person. My advice is to research your options and pick the center that meets your standards. You can ask all the questions in the world, but once you walk into the center you will just know if it is right for you and your family. Oh, and invest in a good humidifier. Those are a lifesaver.

Doing It All

Oh Lordy today was a day. It started off fine. I had one meeting to attend and then I was leaving early to get the baby and take Mickey to the vet for some skin issues. Seems simple enough. Um yeah, not so much. At my meeting I learned of some facts/issues that basically sent my office into panic mode. Like "oh shit, we need to get a game plan to deal with this issue now" mode. So I leaped into action, writing letters, emails, calling people, apprising them of the situation and coming up with solutions.

Oh crap, I'm supposed to leave early to take my dog to the vet. I haven't told my boss yet and I need to leave in an hour. Work is exploding but my puppy is sick. What to do? I tidied up the situation the best I could, sent the boss an email, and proceed to haul ass to daycare so I could get the kid, get home, get the dog, and get to the vet on time.

Of course as I'm pulling into the house, my boss calls and wants to discuss the event for me. So I'm talking through things as I'm changing Leo out of the random outfit daycare put on him after a blowout diaper, trying to get out of my work clothes, pack a diaper bag, find the dog's collar, etc. Luckily my boss was super understanding of my puppy's needs and didn't mind at all that I had left early. (I swear I will only work for a women who has kids and is a dog lover, they just get it.)

I made it to the vet on time, explained the problem to the doctor and everthing was going well. Then he asked me, "so what do you do besides being a fulltime mom?"



I thought this was an odd question. I answered that I was an attorney but I thought what if I didn't have an "outside the home" job? That would have been really awkward. Here I was, during the work day, in shorts and flip flops. I clearly didn't look professional or even employed.



The vet started mumbling, "full time job, kid, a dog, hard to keep up, hard to do it all." I replied, "actually I have two dogs, I left one at home." He said, "you just can't do it all." I replied, "I try my best."

He repeated, "you just can't do it all." Um, excuse me? Am I not here at the vet in the middle of the work day just to make sure my dog is taken care of? Is my happy, well adjusted toddler not eating nutritous snacks and reading his numbers book which I thoughtfully packed to keep him occupied? Am I not checking my phone and reading work emails, determining if anything needs my immediate attention? Am I not dropping $200 on various medicines and anal gland expression without batting any eye because my husband and I both work and, bottom line, we can afford that?

I do believe, good sir, that you are in the middle of observing me "doing it all" right in front of your very eyes. What a strange guy, with strange mumblings.

Even though the vet was odd, he fixed Mickey up. She had some hot spots and to keep her from itching them, we put a t-shirt on her. She's doing well and looks darn cute.



In unrelated news, Leo has started planking. I don't understand these kids and their crazy trends. He can also open the lid to the toilet. Super fun.

What I Think About The Grass On The Other Side

I think that I need to stop checking facebook during the day at work. I inevitably see a status update from a "friend" proclaiming her love for staying home with her kids. Things like "I love being able to take a three hour nap with my three year old :)" and "I was born to stay home with my kids." I'm not trying to hate on stay at home moms but on a Monday morning when I didn't sleep the night before because toddler feet were kicking me in the face and my boss is asking for a status report on a project I forgot about and then I see some sticky sweet crap about being a stay at home mom, this is what happens:

Scenario One: I send a flurry of weepy text messages to my husband saying things like "I don't care if we have to eat ramen and live in a van down by the river, I need to stay home with my baby!" I typically get some kind of "get over yourself" response and then I move along with my day.

Scenario Two: I decide that since I'm such an empowered working mom I deserve a little treat. So I head down to Target where I drop $100 on shoes, cardigans that will look like crap after one wash, clothes for Leo, wine, and a twix bar. Or I buy a bunch of crap online and then nervously await the arrival of the package so I can hide it from my husband.

Scenario Three: In a desperate attempt to feel validated for working I spend the majority of my day reading working mom blogs. Said blogs are entertaining and informative but sort of defeat the whole "working" part of being a working mom.

Obviously these scenarios are not exactly ideal, for my psyche, job, or wallet. What should happen is that I see the random sahm status update, think "oh I'm glad that person is having a nice day, " and go about my lawyerly business. And for the love of all things holy if I see the "Do I work? Yes, I'm a Mom! I'm an alarm clock, maid, cook, yada, yada" post one more flipping time I'm going to flip my mom shit. That little cut and paste status update is just embarrassing to all moms, working, sahm, or otherwise. I sure as hell do not see any dads posting that kind of crap.

This post was meant to be an insightful look into my working mom status and how I perceive the grass on the other side. However, it ended up being more rambling because it is 9:00 p.m. and I am in the middle of making roasted butternut squash soup. Clearly I have issues that are not going to be sorted out in one blog post.

Baby Foodie

I've been in a bad mood this week. Work is meh. Husband has been out of town. And I've just been all pouty and mopey and wah like.

Leo is always a bright spot in a dreary day but lately he has taken to throwing his food after the high chair and it drives me crazy! I am psycho about his food. I make just about everything. I lovingly bake bread, make meatballs with veggies, cook him a hot breakfast every day and when he just throws it on the floor it drives me so insane! I think part of my obsession with making all of his food comes from my working mom guilt. I want my son to have all the benefits that a stay at home mom might provide and in my fantasy world stay at home moms make every meal for their child from scratch and my son will not be denied that just because I work damnit!!! And I fully realize that stay at home moms could not possibly make every meal from scratch and I should probably let go just a little so that I'm not staying up till midnight on a work night baking banana bread but I'm a little neurotic so there you go.

I know he is just a toddler and he doesn't mean anything by it. But seeing that food fly to the floor when I've spent so much time preparing is enough to drive anyone mad. Plus, he keeps throwing food to the dogs and that doesn't go well for anyone (my bullies have sensitive tummies).

Today was a trying day at work. I had someone object to my presence at a meeting because it was adversarial and then I got mustard all over myself at lunch right before a video conference (luckily my jacket covered it). The road to daycare was closed so I had to take a huge detour for dropping off and picking up. I forgot my walled and had to track down a co-worker who was willing to (1) have lunch with me and (2) pay for my lunch.

I was actually dreading feeding Leo dinner because I just couldn't take him throwing anymore food on the floor. I had made spinach mac n cheese and chicken/corn/green bean meatballs earlier in the week. I put them all on his little dinosaur plate and put it on the high chair while holding my breath.



And thank sweet, little, 8 pound, 6 oz, baby Jesus he ate all of it! He didn't throw a single piece off the highchair and even used his spoon to eat applesauce. My sweet little boy knew exactly how to make his momma happy! Just watching him enjoy his dinner improved my mood by leaps and bounds. Now tomorrow he'll probably eat nothing but cheesy poofs for dinner. Yay for the roller coaster of motherhood.

Giving Up

Can I get just a wee bit religous with you for a second? Don't worry I'm not going to try to save you and my atheist husband will have a heart attack when he reads this but I feel like I have to write about it.

Background information: born and raised Catholic. Currently a practicing Catholic and by practicing I mean I have lots of guilt and go to mass during Lent.

I have had my fair share of the drama lately. I still cannot go into details but that is not really the point of this post. I have been feeling lost, helpless, confused. I lie awake at night wondering, questioning.

This morning I went to mass. I don't think I have been since Leo's baptism in September. The drama is not what spurred me to go. I simply went because I have been meaning to go to mass and the timing just seemed to work out this morning.



While I was there the drama hit me full force. As I was holding my sleeping son in my lap, my eyes stung with the tears I was struggling to keep in. I started to pray.



I never understood when people said give up your problems to God. I always thought, "shouldn't you do something about your problems instead of relying on someone else?" But today, for some reason, I did just that.



And He answered me. He inspired me to tackle the drama. He gave me hope. He showed me a path. It is going to be a long, painful, twisty path. But where I had been staring at a wall, I am now looking down a path.

I now understand when people say give up your problems to God. That is what I did today and I am so grateful.

Don't worry Captain America, I'm not going to turn into a Bible thumper. We don't even own a bible upon which to thump.

In unrelated news, we took Leo to a park for the first time today. He loved it despite falling out of my arms and getting a huge bruise on his cheek. I'm going to have to delay his one year pictures again!