Happy Anniversary To Us!

Today is our wedding anniversary. We have been married two years, have been a couple for about four years, and have know each other for about seven years.

In this time I have watched Captain America become an attorney, a husband, and a father. He is amazing at all three.

I have watched him steer our small family through hard times, good times, and just plain crazy times.

I have watched him be a rock that I can always depend on, for anything.



I have watched him sit on the couch, for hours upon hours, watching football, baseball, basketball, hockey, golf, and poker tournaments.

I have watched him wait and wait to take out the trash cans so that he misses the trash truck and our trash piles higher and higher.

I have watched him leave his dinner dishes on the coffee table, his underwear on the floor, and his nail clippings on his bedside table.

In this time, I have watched him be the most perfect, imperfect, husband possible. And I love him for every bit of it!

Happy anniversary baby, I love you so much and I'm so glad that you wrote me such a nice email so many years ago.

Starting to Relax

I have not blogged in a while because I felt like all I was doing was whining about how hard it is to be a working mom. Y'all it is hard, like really hard. So hard that I'm talking in a fake Southern accent. But nobody wants to hear someone whine all the time so I kept my blogging mouth shut.

While the whole working parent thing continues to be hard it is starting to get more comfortable. I'm not going to lie, the first month was brutal. I was devastated about leaving my baby and then he got his first cold and then I got a cold and then he got the stomach flu and then I got the stomach flu and Captain America got the stomach flu and broke his leg and was out of town for a week for work and I was tired and I got another cold and, and, and, the list could go one forever.

But we survived and the Beast is just over three months old and an absolute joy. I mean seriously, he is such a happy and adorable baby. He wakes up cooing and when I get him from his crib he is all smiles. He rarely is fussy and when he is fussy it is relatively easy to get him calmed down. He is doing fantastic in daycare. He "talks" to everyone, is eating like a champion, and is still a good sleeper. When I pick him up, he recognizes me and gives me a huge, toothless grin. I think the fact that he is doing well in daycare and is still a happy baby has really helped me transition back to work. So thank you Beast for doing your part and being a good boy at daycare!



My job rocks. I mean seriously, I love it. My commute absolutely sucks but I'm getting used to it and figuring out the quickest routes possible. I hate being away from the Beast during the day, but if I'm going to be away from him at least I love what I do.

Captain America has started helping out on the home front. Pre-baby, I did all the grocery shopping and cooking. I still do the grocery shopping but Captain America has started cooking dinner and that has been really, really nice. I don't mind doing the grocery shopping because he is a terrible shopper. He'll go to the grocery store and come back with nothing but four boxes of Cheez-Its. Now, I just need to teach him to rinse his dinner dish and put it in the dishwaser. Baby steps, people, baby steps.



My weekends are getting better too. When I first went back to work, I would not let the Beast out of my sight on the weekends. I thought that since I worked during the week, on the weekends he should be in my arms at all times. This made me frantic during his naps and after he went to bed trying to get housework and such done. I was also trying to keep a perfect house. I am happy to report that I am starting to relax on all fronts. I have realized that it is ok for the Beast to play on his activity mat while I switch the laundry and that I can hand him off to the husband so I can shower and/or run an errand. I am also slowly starting to realize that my house does not have to be spotless at all times. For example, this morning I started to freak out that chores needed to be done. Instead of freaking out, I said screw the chores, and took the Beast on an early morning walk. I didn't do my hair and make-up, I didn't try to look "put together." I just threw on some old workout clothes, threw the Beast in his stroller, and enjoyed the sunshine.



I feel great that I'm starting to relax and feel comfortable. The real test will be to see if I can maintain this attitude on Monday morning!

Another Video

Here's another video of the Beast for my dad. FYI: the burp is from the Beast and the panting in the background is Mickey, not me.

Conflicted

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm bipolar or just a new working mom.

Somedays I think that I rock at being a working mom. There I am wearing a pre-pregnancy suit with hair and make-up done, handling a mediation, even pumping in my car during breaks. I think I can totally do this. The Beast is thriving at daycare, the house is relatively clean, and we even have a home cooked meal for dinner.

But then there are days that are the complete opposite. Days where my hair is oily from not being washed for days, I put eye shadown on in the dark, I'm wearing maternity clothes, and I yell at my husband that I want to sell the house, move to Arkansas, and eat only ramen so that I can stay home with my baby. I even asked him the other day if Amber from Teen Mom was a better mother than me because she is at home with her baby.

I'm so conflicted. I love my job, really, I do. My new boss even told me today that I'm doing a great job. But I also love, love, love my son. I want to be able to do both. I want to spend lots of time with my son and still be an attorney working in special education. There are just not enough hours in the day.

I knew it would be hard to juggle work and being a mom. I just didn't realize that it would be this hard. And this week has been just a helluva week. Captain America hurt his leg playing softball. It may, or may not be, broken. His leg is so scraped up I can barely look at it without gagging. The Beast bumped his head at daycare. Well, another kid bumped into him. And I nearly lost my sh*t at the daycare. I mean, hello, the Beast cannot move. Someone needs to be watching him. The situation has been handled now, but I was flaming mad for a while. I left work later than usual today and barely made it to daycare on time to pick the Beast up. I must say I have mad driving skills.

I do not think the conflict between working and being a mother is going to end anytime soon. I just need to learn to be comfortable with my choice.

How My Son Made My Dreams Come True

I've always wanted to be a singer. Well, not a professional singer but just a person who can sing and who can sing well. I love musicals, I am a total gleek, and I adore singers with huge voices who can belt out a tune like Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenowith.

But I can't sing worth a damn. Like not at all. I was in choir in junior high and I lip synced all the words. I was singing in church one time with my sister and the guy in front of me actually turned around and gave me a dirty look. I sound like a cat being strangled. During rush, my sorority had to sing to the new pledges, again I lip synced. I was lip syncing way before Ashlee Simpson made it cool.

And then my son was born and I began singing to him. He loves it! He doesn't care how horrific I sound, he is all smiles when I sing to him. Especially when I sing itsy bitsy spider, he likes the hand motions.



So now I belt it out for the Beast. I had to google nursery rhymes and songs to figure out what to sing. Don't judge, I didn't have a lot of experience with kids before the Beast came along.



The Beast has changed my life in many ways. He has made me a singer. We'll see if he still loves my singing when he is 15 years old.

A Little Beast Talk

Here is a little video of the Beast trying to talk. Warning it is a little long and I'm just saying "hi baby" over and over again. I'm mainly posting this for my dad to see. I know my mom will complain that it is too long.