Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear

I was in a sorority in college so I am fully aware that women can be judgmental. Back then it was "oh you are going out on a Tuesday night, again?" "What do you mean you can't make rush activities because you have to work?" And "I can't believe she's wearing that hot pink sequined tube top out tonight?" Ok, I deserved to be judged about the hot pink sequined tube top, that was awful.

Then came law school where everyone was judgy (and competitive). "Your outline for property is only 15 pages? Mine is 20." "You finished that exam early? I was writing the entire time." And "you're missing wills and trusts again?" Well, everyone skipped out on wills and trusts, it was more awful than the hot pink sequined tube top.

But man oh man, you just do not know judgmental until you become a mom and have to defend your parenting decisions to other mothers. I was at a friend's baby shower this weekend and brought the Beast with me. The grandma-to-be had all her friends there and they all had lots of questions about the Beast. Questions like how old is he, is he sleeping through the night, is he a good baby, etc. But the most poignant question was, "so are you going back to work?" Said with an underlying tone that the right answer is no. So of course I answer that I am going back to work and they all wanted to know when. I told them that I was going back in two weeks. Which led to the next question, "who is going to watch the baby?" I answered that he is going to a very nice daycare by my house. That is when the line of questioning ends with a very disapproving, "ooooh, I see."

The grandma-to-be tried to come to my rescue and announced to her friends that I am an attorney but that just made their eyes grow wider and me stammer, "well, I, um, don't work traditional hours, um, like a corporate attorney (I work in public law), um, so, um, yeah, it should work out."

Now I am not going to see these women again so I do not know why (1) they care about my work schedule/daycare arrangements, and (2) why I care about them caring about my work schedule/daycare arrangements. It is just that initial disapproving "ooooh, I see" coupled with the disapproving look that really gets to me. I shouldn't feel the need to defend or explain my choice to anyone, especially people I'm not going to see again. I do not need to prove to anyone, other than my son, that I am a good mom.

I know this incident (which, in hindsight, wasn't that bad) is going to be one of many where someone makes me feel guilty or upset about being a working mom. But I am going to try my hardest to own my status as a working mom and come up with some kind of good response to such questions so that I don't have to stammer some lame justification. I'll have to work on my response because all I have so far is, "go f**k yourself" and that is considered rude in most circles.

Why I am excited to go back to work...

....so I don't have to hear my husband say, "but you were home all day."

Cause I have so much free time while caring for a newborn. Please disregard the two hours devoted to Beverly Hills 90210 reruns daily.

My Introduction to Working Motherhood

I have a new job. I'm not going to go into details about it on the internets but all you need to know is that I have a new job and I had to go into the office today to complete all my new hire paperwork, benefits, and get fingerprinted.

Here is where things go wrong. I had to take the Beast with me to do all this paperwork. I thought it was no big deal, I take him on errands and out to lunch/dinner all the time. He's a great baby and usually sleeps through everything. It will be easy. I'll be in and out of there, no problem.

So I drive to the office. I am dressed professionally and actually wearing work heels. The Beast looks adorable. Everything is great. I got to the office about 20 minutes early. I decided to hang out with the Beast in the back of the car for a bit. I noticed his diaper needed to be changed, so I changed it on the back seat of my car. Not super easy, but not impossible. Everything is still good. I still had some time, so I gave him a bit of the bottle I brought for him. Everything still good. Then I hear a small explosion emit from my son. Crap, he needs his diaper changed again. I change it. This time he gets poo on his socks (don't ask me how). No worries, I have extra socks. Everything still ok.

I go into the office and check in with the receptionist who informs me that I'm at the wrong building and I need to go down the street. Ok, fine. I wheel the Beast back to the car, wrestle my massive stroller back into the car and head to the other building. I'm starting to sweat in my nice work dress but other than that everything is fine.

I check in with the receptionist at the correct building and everyone coming into the office oohs and aahs over my cute baby. He smiles and coos, totally adorable. I relax a bit and wait for my appointment with HR. I fill out all my paperwork and turn it in. Now I'm just waiting for the benefits lady. I wait and wait. I hear another explosion from the Beast. Crap he needs his diaper changed again. But where do I do it? I'm trying to be nonchalant about being at my new office with my freaking baby. Changing a diaper is not going to help that situation. It seems rude to change his diaper on the conference table, so I change it in the stroller. Not easy, but manageable.

I'm taken into another room for fingerprinting. The Beast starts crying while I'm getting fingerprinted which is taking forever because each of my fingerprints keep getting rejected by the stupid machine. The lady says, "um I think I hear your son." Oh right, I should tend to my baby that I totally, inappropriately brought to my new job. I run into the other room, shove the pacificer in his mouth and finish the fingerprinting.

I return to my original room. A few more people come into the room to ooh and aah over my son. It's very nice of them to say how cute he is, but I can see he's starting to freak out about all the strange faces making strange noises at him. I mean, he's only 6 weeks old. It was a bit much. So I give him his pacificer again, but he continues to fuss. The Beast is no fool. He knows that no matter how hard he sucks on that binky, nothing is coming out. So I give him the rest of the bottle. The Beast is pacified for now.

The benefits lady finally comes in. She asks me a million questions about the baby who is starting to freak out again. I'm thinking, ok give me the insurance packet and let me get the hell out of here. Then she asks me if I'm breastfeeding. What? Why does she care how I feed my son? Is this going to go in my employee file? Is she going to tell the insurance company? I say yes, because I am, and thankfully this is the right answer with her. She commends me on my choice (like that matters) all while the Beast is starting to go into full freak out mode. She looks at him and says, "I think he wants to nurse."

Wait, did she just tell me what my son wants? Look lady, do not tell me what my son wants. You have no idea what he wants. You don't know him or me. And you clearly missed him guzzling a huge bottle minutes earlier. What he wants is for you to hurry the hell up so we can leave and he can take a nap. So she leaves the room and I hear another explosion. So I change the Beast's diaper yet again. The benefits lady comes back and finally says I can leave. Thank the Good Lord!

I'm so frazzled by the whole experience I drive through the nearest Jack in the Box and desperately ask "do you have cookies?" They don't. They have chocolate cake and cheesecake and something else but no freaking cookies. I decide the chocolate cake isn't worth it and just get a diet coke which is delicious. I got home, nursed the Beast three times in three hours, cooked dinner, cleaned up the dinner I cooked, gave the Beast a bath, nursed again, and he finally fell asleep.

Lesson learned: babies and offices do not mix. The whole experience could have been much, much worse but it still had me unbelievably stressed out. Time for a little wine.

I'm Back Bitches

On Weight Watchers that is, and I apologize profusely for the harsh language but I am declaring war on the baby fat and it just might get ugly.

I lost just over 20 pounds on Weight Watchers before I got pregnant and now I'm back on it to lose the baby weight and get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My goal is to lose 25 pounds. It's not going to be easy, but if I did it before. I can do it again.

And I'm armed with some new tactics, like my new WW wine glass:



I measured out a 2 point serving so now I won't fill up the entire glass, call it 2 points when it is really 5.

And the bottom says, "Is it worth it?" Hopefully, this will keep me motivated and question whether I really want to waste 2 points on wine. The vast majority of the time I will, but at least I will think about it first.




So far I've been back on WW for one day and I managed to stay within my points. It definitely helps that I'm breastfeeding so I get a million points per day. Right now I am allowed 33 points per day, a far cry from the 20 points I was eating before I got pregnant. So I'm back on the wagon, back to being motivated, and ready to kick the baby weight's ass. The next part will be figuring out my exercise routine. For that I'm waiting till my six week post partum appointment with my doctor. But that will be an important part of this battle as well. I'm thinking kick boxing classes. Like real kickboxing with gloves and a bag. I secretly think I could have been a great kickboxer. I could have been a contender!

Visiting the Office

I have about three weeks left of maternity leave. I am very torn about returning to work but that is a story for another post.

While I am still on leave, I am trying to do all the stereotypical stay at home mom kinds of things. I have become obsessed with Beverly Hills 90210 reruns, I meet people for lunch, and I push my kid in a stroller around the mall. I am very aware that a stay at home mom does much more than these silly things, but I'm trying to enjoy the fun parts during my maternity leave.

This included bringing the baby to Captain America's office to show him off. I got all dressed up, curled my hair, put on my tinted moisturizer (my secret weapon against hangovers and sleep deprived skin), put the Beast in a cute outfit and took him around my husband's office like a proud mama. Then, we had lunch and I went back home while Captain America went back to work.

It was fun to visit the husband at work and it is something that I won't be able to do when I return to work.



And how disorganized is his desk? My desk never looks like this. This would drive me crazy. And this is why I take charge of the household chores. Because if I let him do it our house would look like his desk.

I Still Have A Lot To Learn

I'm a new mom. I've been on the job for about 5 weeks. I readily admit that I do not know everything about parenting and that sometimes I am just really clueless.

I'm am also a breastfeeding mom. This was initially very difficult for me and baby but after meeting with a lactation consultant, it has become quite easy. Although the lactation consultant failed to instruct me how to nurse in public. I have ordered a hooter hider but it hasn't come in the mail yet.

So my sister was visiting today and the Beast had to eat. I mean he had to eat right now. I thought about making him a bottle of formula but I was really too lazy to do that. I have not nursed in front of anyone besides my husband and I wasn't really ready to enter that territory. But I didn't want to tell my sister to leave and the Beast had to eat.

I knew women nursed in public with strategically placed blankets, so I went that route.



Obviously, I have a lot to learn about this whole nursing in public thing.