Another Video

Here's another video of the Beast for my dad. FYI: the burp is from the Beast and the panting in the background is Mickey, not me.

Conflicted

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm bipolar or just a new working mom.

Somedays I think that I rock at being a working mom. There I am wearing a pre-pregnancy suit with hair and make-up done, handling a mediation, even pumping in my car during breaks. I think I can totally do this. The Beast is thriving at daycare, the house is relatively clean, and we even have a home cooked meal for dinner.

But then there are days that are the complete opposite. Days where my hair is oily from not being washed for days, I put eye shadown on in the dark, I'm wearing maternity clothes, and I yell at my husband that I want to sell the house, move to Arkansas, and eat only ramen so that I can stay home with my baby. I even asked him the other day if Amber from Teen Mom was a better mother than me because she is at home with her baby.

I'm so conflicted. I love my job, really, I do. My new boss even told me today that I'm doing a great job. But I also love, love, love my son. I want to be able to do both. I want to spend lots of time with my son and still be an attorney working in special education. There are just not enough hours in the day.

I knew it would be hard to juggle work and being a mom. I just didn't realize that it would be this hard. And this week has been just a helluva week. Captain America hurt his leg playing softball. It may, or may not be, broken. His leg is so scraped up I can barely look at it without gagging. The Beast bumped his head at daycare. Well, another kid bumped into him. And I nearly lost my sh*t at the daycare. I mean, hello, the Beast cannot move. Someone needs to be watching him. The situation has been handled now, but I was flaming mad for a while. I left work later than usual today and barely made it to daycare on time to pick the Beast up. I must say I have mad driving skills.

I do not think the conflict between working and being a mother is going to end anytime soon. I just need to learn to be comfortable with my choice.

How My Son Made My Dreams Come True

I've always wanted to be a singer. Well, not a professional singer but just a person who can sing and who can sing well. I love musicals, I am a total gleek, and I adore singers with huge voices who can belt out a tune like Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenowith.

But I can't sing worth a damn. Like not at all. I was in choir in junior high and I lip synced all the words. I was singing in church one time with my sister and the guy in front of me actually turned around and gave me a dirty look. I sound like a cat being strangled. During rush, my sorority had to sing to the new pledges, again I lip synced. I was lip syncing way before Ashlee Simpson made it cool.

And then my son was born and I began singing to him. He loves it! He doesn't care how horrific I sound, he is all smiles when I sing to him. Especially when I sing itsy bitsy spider, he likes the hand motions.



So now I belt it out for the Beast. I had to google nursery rhymes and songs to figure out what to sing. Don't judge, I didn't have a lot of experience with kids before the Beast came along.



The Beast has changed my life in many ways. He has made me a singer. We'll see if he still loves my singing when he is 15 years old.

A Little Beast Talk

Here is a little video of the Beast trying to talk. Warning it is a little long and I'm just saying "hi baby" over and over again. I'm mainly posting this for my dad to see. I know my mom will complain that it is too long.

News Flash

Here is your super obvious news flash for the day...being a working mom is hard, like really hard. Take away the mommy guilt of putting your baby in daycare and being a working mom is still just physically exhausting. I told a good friend that being a working parent is rough and she said that I make it look pretty awesome. Really? Well bless your little heart good friend because about 90% of the time I'm a total basket case. Although, I am really proud of myself that I have remembered to wear make-up to work so far.

I just feel like my day is so grueling. Thank the good Lord that the Beast sleeps through the night. I just do not know how working parents go to work with a little one that wakes through the night. Kudos to those parents. I feel like we are finally settling into a routine so that is nice. This is my third week back to work but it is the Beast's first full week of daycare. As of right now, I get up at 5:30am, take a shower, do hair and make-up and put my jewelry on. Then I nurse the Beast. After he's done eating, he is either asleep so he goes back in the crib or awake in which case the husband takes over. Then I run downstairs to get his bottles ready, pack up my pump, my work bag, and grab my lunch. Then run back upstairs to get dressed and grab a snuggle with the Beast. Sometimes I drop the Beast off at daycare and sometimes Captain America does it.

Around 8 or 8:30 am I arrive at work. Then I work the whole day with no lunch. I don't take a lunch because (1) I work in the ghetto and there is nothing good to eat around my office, (2) I waste a lot of work time pumping, and (3) I want to get the hell out of there as soon as possible to get my baby! I really like my new job but it just can't compete with the Beast. I pump three times at work all while fielding emails and doing legal research and trying to keep on top of everything that needs to get done.

I leave work promptly at 5pm and pick up the Beast around 5:45pm. He is at daycare a long time. It's horrible and breaks my heart but we have no other option. Such is the life of lawyers. We are home by 6pm, the Beast eats, we play, we have bathtime, the Beast eats again, and then he is down for the night I do not do anything other than spend time with the Beast from when I get home until he goes to bed. I usually wait to eat dinner unless I can eat the food with one hand. I don't wash bottles, do laundry, check email. From 6pm until 7 or 8pm is strictly my time with my baby. Although yesterday he fell asleep in the car on the way home from daycare and was done for the night. I was sad all day today because I didn't get my time with him. But that can't be helped, he's a growing boy and getting over a cold. When he needs to sleep, he needs to sleep.

After the Beast is in bed, I wash his bottles, wash all my pump parts, pack my lunch, lay out his clothes and anything he needs for daycare, lay out my clothes (laying out my clothes involves me trying on various work clothes to see what fits), and prep his bottles for the next day. This is usually done around 8pm (if the Beast goes down around 7pm) and then I have a couple of hours to hang out with the husband and relax before I need to be in bed at 10pm. Then I go to bed to start the whole thing over the next day.

My weekends are devoted to spending time with my son. I try to do errands and chores only when he is asleep. I don't usually get everything done. If you come to my house you will see that the guest bathroom could use some serious TLC but I don't care because no one ever uses it. I will definitely be getting a housekeeper once I'm bringing in some money again. You can see why I'm exhausted. And now it is eight minutes till 10, I need to get to bed before I turn into a pumpkin.

Not Fair

My 94 year old grandmother has a flat screen tv and I do not. My bedroom tv is one that I had in junior high.

I really want a flat screen. I think I would leave out all the ceramic figurines though.