Warning: this post is going to be filled with girlie talk. Periods, cramps, shoving an almost 9 pound baby out of your va-jay-jay. So Husband stop reading right now.
I mean it. Just stop reading. It is for your own good.
Is he gone?
Ok good, cause I really want to talk about the make-up I bought at Nordstrom's today.
On my lunch break today, I ran over to Nordstrom's to return a purse that I bought online (I don't know why I keep buying purses online, they arrive, and they are always a totally different size than I imagined, I'm bad with spatial relations). I returned the purse and started wandering the store. I had a $20 gift card and I thought I could pick up something very small and fun. Maybe some little earrings from Brass Plum or something. I couldn't find anything so I started to head out. I ended up walking through the make-up section.
I looked at some little bottles of lotion and decided to just hang on to my gift card. Then I saw him. Standing at the Lancome counter in his slim cut suit, skinny tie, and a newsboy cap. He was eyeing me like a female lion eyeing a gazelle. A sales girl approached me and asked if I wanted help. I said I was just looking and she walked away. Ok, I avoided one salesperson. I just needed to make it past the skinny guy.
I started to walk past the Lancome counter. "Hi Love," he called out in a lilting lisp, "can I help you find anything?" I replied, thank you, but I was just looking and continued to look at some eye shadow at a different counter. I should have just kept walking to the door.
"Just let me know if you need any help love, my name is Randall," he chirped. Be strong, I thought, look at the eye shadow and walk away. Somehow I ended up looking at the Lancome eye shadow. "Aren't our eyeshadows just beautiful! They are so saturated in color!" He was so excited about the eye shadow. The eyeshadows were pretty and I did need some new make-up. He was sucking me in.
"Look at this color, it's gorgeous!" He started rubbing a peacock blue shadow on his hand. Ok, he was losing me. I was dressed in a very sensible sheath dress and cardigan. I clearly did not wear blue eye shadow. Then he pointed to a more neutral color palette. "Oh love, these colors will make your eyes pop! It will be so pretty and with this eye shadow base, your eye will be instantly brightened! Ok Randall, I'm listening.
Then he went on and on about my blue eyes. And how the eye shadow base covered up fine lines, not that I needed to worry about that. And how the eye shadow can easily go from day to night. Mother effer, he totally sucked me in. I didn't even look at the price. I just handed him my $20 gift card, hoping that made a dent in the price. Sixty dollars later, I was the proud new owner of a very expensive eye shadow palette and base.
In my defense, it is pretty eye shadow.
And it did come with this handy guide. I'm so make-up challenged I might just tape this on my mirror.
Next time I will just sprint for the door before anyone calls me "Love," and comments on my eyes. Damn you Randall, damn you.