Doing It All

Oh Lordy today was a day. It started off fine. I had one meeting to attend and then I was leaving early to get the baby and take Mickey to the vet for some skin issues. Seems simple enough. Um yeah, not so much. At my meeting I learned of some facts/issues that basically sent my office into panic mode. Like "oh shit, we need to get a game plan to deal with this issue now" mode. So I leaped into action, writing letters, emails, calling people, apprising them of the situation and coming up with solutions.

Oh crap, I'm supposed to leave early to take my dog to the vet. I haven't told my boss yet and I need to leave in an hour. Work is exploding but my puppy is sick. What to do? I tidied up the situation the best I could, sent the boss an email, and proceed to haul ass to daycare so I could get the kid, get home, get the dog, and get to the vet on time.

Of course as I'm pulling into the house, my boss calls and wants to discuss the event for me. So I'm talking through things as I'm changing Leo out of the random outfit daycare put on him after a blowout diaper, trying to get out of my work clothes, pack a diaper bag, find the dog's collar, etc. Luckily my boss was super understanding of my puppy's needs and didn't mind at all that I had left early. (I swear I will only work for a women who has kids and is a dog lover, they just get it.)

I made it to the vet on time, explained the problem to the doctor and everthing was going well. Then he asked me, "so what do you do besides being a fulltime mom?"



I thought this was an odd question. I answered that I was an attorney but I thought what if I didn't have an "outside the home" job? That would have been really awkward. Here I was, during the work day, in shorts and flip flops. I clearly didn't look professional or even employed.



The vet started mumbling, "full time job, kid, a dog, hard to keep up, hard to do it all." I replied, "actually I have two dogs, I left one at home." He said, "you just can't do it all." I replied, "I try my best."

He repeated, "you just can't do it all." Um, excuse me? Am I not here at the vet in the middle of the work day just to make sure my dog is taken care of? Is my happy, well adjusted toddler not eating nutritous snacks and reading his numbers book which I thoughtfully packed to keep him occupied? Am I not checking my phone and reading work emails, determining if anything needs my immediate attention? Am I not dropping $200 on various medicines and anal gland expression without batting any eye because my husband and I both work and, bottom line, we can afford that?

I do believe, good sir, that you are in the middle of observing me "doing it all" right in front of your very eyes. What a strange guy, with strange mumblings.

Even though the vet was odd, he fixed Mickey up. She had some hot spots and to keep her from itching them, we put a t-shirt on her. She's doing well and looks darn cute.



In unrelated news, Leo has started planking. I don't understand these kids and their crazy trends. He can also open the lid to the toilet. Super fun.

What I Think About The Grass On The Other Side

I think that I need to stop checking facebook during the day at work. I inevitably see a status update from a "friend" proclaiming her love for staying home with her kids. Things like "I love being able to take a three hour nap with my three year old :)" and "I was born to stay home with my kids." I'm not trying to hate on stay at home moms but on a Monday morning when I didn't sleep the night before because toddler feet were kicking me in the face and my boss is asking for a status report on a project I forgot about and then I see some sticky sweet crap about being a stay at home mom, this is what happens:

Scenario One: I send a flurry of weepy text messages to my husband saying things like "I don't care if we have to eat ramen and live in a van down by the river, I need to stay home with my baby!" I typically get some kind of "get over yourself" response and then I move along with my day.

Scenario Two: I decide that since I'm such an empowered working mom I deserve a little treat. So I head down to Target where I drop $100 on shoes, cardigans that will look like crap after one wash, clothes for Leo, wine, and a twix bar. Or I buy a bunch of crap online and then nervously await the arrival of the package so I can hide it from my husband.

Scenario Three: In a desperate attempt to feel validated for working I spend the majority of my day reading working mom blogs. Said blogs are entertaining and informative but sort of defeat the whole "working" part of being a working mom.

Obviously these scenarios are not exactly ideal, for my psyche, job, or wallet. What should happen is that I see the random sahm status update, think "oh I'm glad that person is having a nice day, " and go about my lawyerly business. And for the love of all things holy if I see the "Do I work? Yes, I'm a Mom! I'm an alarm clock, maid, cook, yada, yada" post one more flipping time I'm going to flip my mom shit. That little cut and paste status update is just embarrassing to all moms, working, sahm, or otherwise. I sure as hell do not see any dads posting that kind of crap.

This post was meant to be an insightful look into my working mom status and how I perceive the grass on the other side. However, it ended up being more rambling because it is 9:00 p.m. and I am in the middle of making roasted butternut squash soup. Clearly I have issues that are not going to be sorted out in one blog post.

Baby Foodie

I've been in a bad mood this week. Work is meh. Husband has been out of town. And I've just been all pouty and mopey and wah like.

Leo is always a bright spot in a dreary day but lately he has taken to throwing his food after the high chair and it drives me crazy! I am psycho about his food. I make just about everything. I lovingly bake bread, make meatballs with veggies, cook him a hot breakfast every day and when he just throws it on the floor it drives me so insane! I think part of my obsession with making all of his food comes from my working mom guilt. I want my son to have all the benefits that a stay at home mom might provide and in my fantasy world stay at home moms make every meal for their child from scratch and my son will not be denied that just because I work damnit!!! And I fully realize that stay at home moms could not possibly make every meal from scratch and I should probably let go just a little so that I'm not staying up till midnight on a work night baking banana bread but I'm a little neurotic so there you go.

I know he is just a toddler and he doesn't mean anything by it. But seeing that food fly to the floor when I've spent so much time preparing is enough to drive anyone mad. Plus, he keeps throwing food to the dogs and that doesn't go well for anyone (my bullies have sensitive tummies).

Today was a trying day at work. I had someone object to my presence at a meeting because it was adversarial and then I got mustard all over myself at lunch right before a video conference (luckily my jacket covered it). The road to daycare was closed so I had to take a huge detour for dropping off and picking up. I forgot my walled and had to track down a co-worker who was willing to (1) have lunch with me and (2) pay for my lunch.

I was actually dreading feeding Leo dinner because I just couldn't take him throwing anymore food on the floor. I had made spinach mac n cheese and chicken/corn/green bean meatballs earlier in the week. I put them all on his little dinosaur plate and put it on the high chair while holding my breath.



And thank sweet, little, 8 pound, 6 oz, baby Jesus he ate all of it! He didn't throw a single piece off the highchair and even used his spoon to eat applesauce. My sweet little boy knew exactly how to make his momma happy! Just watching him enjoy his dinner improved my mood by leaps and bounds. Now tomorrow he'll probably eat nothing but cheesy poofs for dinner. Yay for the roller coaster of motherhood.

Giving Up

Can I get just a wee bit religous with you for a second? Don't worry I'm not going to try to save you and my atheist husband will have a heart attack when he reads this but I feel like I have to write about it.

Background information: born and raised Catholic. Currently a practicing Catholic and by practicing I mean I have lots of guilt and go to mass during Lent.

I have had my fair share of the drama lately. I still cannot go into details but that is not really the point of this post. I have been feeling lost, helpless, confused. I lie awake at night wondering, questioning.

This morning I went to mass. I don't think I have been since Leo's baptism in September. The drama is not what spurred me to go. I simply went because I have been meaning to go to mass and the timing just seemed to work out this morning.



While I was there the drama hit me full force. As I was holding my sleeping son in my lap, my eyes stung with the tears I was struggling to keep in. I started to pray.



I never understood when people said give up your problems to God. I always thought, "shouldn't you do something about your problems instead of relying on someone else?" But today, for some reason, I did just that.



And He answered me. He inspired me to tackle the drama. He gave me hope. He showed me a path. It is going to be a long, painful, twisty path. But where I had been staring at a wall, I am now looking down a path.

I now understand when people say give up your problems to God. That is what I did today and I am so grateful.

Don't worry Captain America, I'm not going to turn into a Bible thumper. We don't even own a bible upon which to thump.

In unrelated news, we took Leo to a park for the first time today. He loved it despite falling out of my arms and getting a huge bruise on his cheek. I'm going to have to delay his one year pictures again!

Drunken Frosting

I had a very serious, introspective blog post all planned out in my head that I wanted to write tonight. But life got in the way (ok fine, I've been playing with my new google phone all night) and I'm too tired to deal with anything heavy.

Instead I shall leave you with photographic evidence of why one should not drink wine and try to bake/frost a cake at the same time.

I give you Exhibit A - the organic chocolate cake and organic vanilla frosting that I prepared for Leo's first birthday:



Yes, I made him an organic cake (it was still a mix from a box) and then royally screwed up the frosting. Needless to say, this cake did not make it to the party and I ended up just giving him a slice of the adult cake instead which he refused to smash.

Fluff

It's August.

Blah. Blerg. Meh.

I do not like August. It is without a doubt my least favorite month. It is sticky and disgustingly hot. There are no holidays. It is really long. And because I represent schools, work is mind numbingly slow since every one is on vacation. Really I might poke my eyes out at work from boredom. My big projects this month are preparing a presentation and working on a brief that is due in October. I usually just struggle through the month at work but it is making it even harder to be away from my son since I feel like I am doing nothing productive at work. Well, I have gotten in some good blog reading and it appears that all my favorite bloggers will be at Blogher this week and they have better set up some guest posts or something to keep me from taking a two hour lunch at Target.

Speaking of Target, it is one of those magical times of year where random stuff is on sale. Like this totally awesome, very sophisticated toddler chair.

It is very important looking. Leo is going to sit in it and read many leather-bound books in it.

In reality, he's been climbing it and trying to launch himself over the back.

And there is my blog post o' fluff because the stuff I really want to write about I can't. I want to, I want to pour my little heart out for the internet to see but it's just too personal and I fear the repercussions. Rest assured that I am fine and my little family is fine. I am just dealing with some family drama that refuses to end and it is driving me just a little crazy.