Greatest Thing Ever.

This is the greatest thing ever!

What? A hot guy in a tight tank top? Nope, it's spanx for men!



I freaking love it. I absolutely freaking love it. Now men can be completely uncomfortable and worry about their spanx showing just like us ladies....all in the name of trying to look better than we actually look. Welcome to the club boys. Now they just need male panty hose....

Froggy Woggy

The Beast is becoming more interested in toys. He will look at them and follow them with his eyes if you move them side to side. I realize he looks pretty skeptical of this frog here but I swear he was enjoying me shaking a frog in his face saying "look at the froggy woggy, look that cutesy wutesy froggy woggy!" Sigh, I've become one of those crazy, baby-talking moms.



The Beast may not love his toys yet but let me tell you who does...Mickey. Once I started waving that little frog around she absolutely lost it.

First she popped up on the bed to see what was happening.



Then she went and got her own toy. I'm assuming she was going to share with the Beast or maybe exhange her toy for the frog.



She kept trying to get up on the bed. My pictures of her are blurry because she was seriously moving a mile a minute.



Mickey really wanted to play with the Beast. Well maybe not the Beast but definitely his toys.

After a few minutes of frenzied activity she finally hopped up on the bed. We used to allow the bullies on the furniture and our bed but have stopped doing so since the arrival of the baby. See, the bullies are very low to the ground and can't see where they are jumping. So they fling themselves with reckless abandon onto their desired piece of furniture. It really isn't good for them to be jumping like this and I definitely cannot have them potentially landing on the baby. So they have been banned from jumping on furniture. I wrestled the very confused Mickey off the bed and decided we had enough of playing with toys.

Frank just sat there and watched the whole thing. He just doesn't understand why that crazy bitch gets so worked up about toys.

Out and About

Today the Beast and I spent the day with Auntie Steph. Can you see what his shirt says? It says "[Olive] my aunt." How cute is that? Just one of the many adorable presents from his
Auntie.



We went to breakfast and then decided to hit Babies r Us and Target. I know terribly exciting but we were kind of limited in our options since we had a six week Beast in tow. Usually when Steph and I venture out into the world together we have to pause for a moment and remind ourselves to try to not look like complete dorks or be lame. I don't know why but whenever we are together we end up doing something very stupid. Our stupidity makes us die with laughter while the rest of the world just looks at us in pity.

When we got to Babies r Us I decided to wear the Beast to the store rather than wrestle with my massive stroller. Hmmm, so far the mission to not look like a dork is not going very well.




When I got to the cashier to pay for my stuff she asked for my rewards card. I reached for my keys because that is where the card is and couldn't find them. I started wildly tearing apart the baby bag, patting down all my pockets and freaking out. I thought Steph must have the keys, she didn't. And then I realized, OMG I left the car running in the parking lot! Steph made a mad dash out of the store to check while I finished paying. It turned out that I had managed to turn the car off and the keys were stuck in some crevice of the back seat. I definitely was not doing too well on the mission to not look like a dork or be lame.

We actually made it through Target unscathed. When we got home, the Beast needed to eat. I thought it was the perfect time to practice with my hooter hider. I'm trying to work up the nerve to be able to nurse in public so that I don't always have to lug around a bunch of bottles. My first step was to buy the hooter hider but I needed to make sure I could manage it. I figured it would be better for my sister to see accidental boob than say an entire restaurant.

I got the Beast all situated and threw on the hooter hider. It went pretty well until he started grabbing the hooter hider and thrashing it about with his hot little hand. I might have to rethink this nursing in public thing. I absolutely cannot have my son flashing my boobs for the world to see.

After the hooter hider trial run Steph went off to get a pedicure and I went to the doctor for my 6 week post partum check up. Hmmm, I got the short end of the stick on that one. My doctor said I looked great and gave me the all clear for exercise. That means no more excuses, I have to actually start exercising now. I'm determined to get rid of this Kate Gosselin belly if it kills me. Tomorrow I might actually try my new tae bo dvd. Maybe. I might be busy all day fostering my son's development. Or laying in bed with him watching 90210.

The Big Move

The Beast has been sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed. The same bassinet that me, my siblings, my cousins, my mom, my aunt, and my uncles used. I would swaddle him nice and snug and he would rest peacefully.



But the Beast is a hideously noisy sleeper, grunting constantly. And he recently decided that he did not like the swaddle and wants to sleep with his arms completely stretched out. He was hitting the sides of the bassient with his hands and waking himself up. He wasn't sleeping well and we definietly were not with all his grunting.

So at 6 weeks old, we kicked him out of our room and into his crib. I was sad to see him go. He seemed too little to sleep in his crib alone. What if he woke up and was scared that he was all alone? What if he cried and I didn't hear him? But after seeing him whack his hand against the bassinet wall, I took the plunge and put him in his crib.

And he slept great. He slept for his longest stretch yet. The husband and I got to lay in bed and watch tv and talk like we used to. And we even got to sleep. I was still able to hear him when he needed me with the help of the baby monitor and I only got up to make sure he was breathing about ten times.



Plus he has his seahorse, so he isn't really alone. The thing lights up and plays soothing music. It is supposed to get your baby to sleep in 5 minutes, the time it takes to run through its pre-programmed lullabies. It has yet to work but it is pretty cute. Just another piece of useless baby merchandise.



And he has Frank who is always keeping watch.



As for the bassinet? I'm using it to hold my clean laundry until I get a chance to fold it.

Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear

I was in a sorority in college so I am fully aware that women can be judgmental. Back then it was "oh you are going out on a Tuesday night, again?" "What do you mean you can't make rush activities because you have to work?" And "I can't believe she's wearing that hot pink sequined tube top out tonight?" Ok, I deserved to be judged about the hot pink sequined tube top, that was awful.

Then came law school where everyone was judgy (and competitive). "Your outline for property is only 15 pages? Mine is 20." "You finished that exam early? I was writing the entire time." And "you're missing wills and trusts again?" Well, everyone skipped out on wills and trusts, it was more awful than the hot pink sequined tube top.

But man oh man, you just do not know judgmental until you become a mom and have to defend your parenting decisions to other mothers. I was at a friend's baby shower this weekend and brought the Beast with me. The grandma-to-be had all her friends there and they all had lots of questions about the Beast. Questions like how old is he, is he sleeping through the night, is he a good baby, etc. But the most poignant question was, "so are you going back to work?" Said with an underlying tone that the right answer is no. So of course I answer that I am going back to work and they all wanted to know when. I told them that I was going back in two weeks. Which led to the next question, "who is going to watch the baby?" I answered that he is going to a very nice daycare by my house. That is when the line of questioning ends with a very disapproving, "ooooh, I see."

The grandma-to-be tried to come to my rescue and announced to her friends that I am an attorney but that just made their eyes grow wider and me stammer, "well, I, um, don't work traditional hours, um, like a corporate attorney (I work in public law), um, so, um, yeah, it should work out."

Now I am not going to see these women again so I do not know why (1) they care about my work schedule/daycare arrangements, and (2) why I care about them caring about my work schedule/daycare arrangements. It is just that initial disapproving "ooooh, I see" coupled with the disapproving look that really gets to me. I shouldn't feel the need to defend or explain my choice to anyone, especially people I'm not going to see again. I do not need to prove to anyone, other than my son, that I am a good mom.

I know this incident (which, in hindsight, wasn't that bad) is going to be one of many where someone makes me feel guilty or upset about being a working mom. But I am going to try my hardest to own my status as a working mom and come up with some kind of good response to such questions so that I don't have to stammer some lame justification. I'll have to work on my response because all I have so far is, "go f**k yourself" and that is considered rude in most circles.

Why I am excited to go back to work...

....so I don't have to hear my husband say, "but you were home all day."

Cause I have so much free time while caring for a newborn. Please disregard the two hours devoted to Beverly Hills 90210 reruns daily.